From Wiki - UK Role Players

off•JERK•me is a role-playing poem for 2-6 players that takes about 5 minutes to play.

Contents 1 The Premise 2 How To Play 3 Examples of Play 4 Huh?

The Premise

One of the players will play the Jerk. The other players will play British People Who Don't Want To Make A Fuss.

The Jerk and the British People are playing a parlour narration game entitled "The Culture of the British Sunday Roast Dinner". It is a nostalgic slice of family life with Mrs. Beeton and her family one Sunday afternoon in Bury St. Edmunds at the dinner table. Think Agatha Christie or Enid Blyton, but without any vile murder or sleuthing kids.

The Jerk however, thinks this is dumb. Boy, is this dumb! Space nazis in chainmail bikinis, cosmic purple worms, and a plot to bone Marilyn Monroe sounds much better. Or, perhaps the Jerk is all about wrist-slashing, taboo-challenging, Dogme 95-style cinéma vérité, misery tourism. Also, baby seals.

The British People are going to be nice, and they are going to accommodate the Jerk, all the while wondering "oh dear, if only someone would say something." But of course, none of the British People will ever say anything to call the Jerk on his or her behaviour. They'll all just suffer in silence, maybe exchanging the odd knowing look with each other, and try and make do as best they can.

The key aspect is that all of the British People are accepting to a fault of everyone's contributions, whereas the Jerk is only interested in advancing his or her own ideas.

How To Play

Decide who is going to be the Jerk. Everyone else will play the British People.

One of the British People starts the game by saying this:

"One crisp afternoon in late September, Mrs. Beeton served a lovely roast leg of lamb to her family for Sunday dinner."

Then, it's the turn of the Jerk. The Jerk always has a turn after each British Person has had a turn.

In a two player game, the turn sequence would look like this: British Person (BP) -> Jerk -> BP -> Jerk -> BP -> Jerk -> BP, etc.

In a three player game, the turn sequence would look like this: BP 1 -> Jerk -> BP 2 -> Jerk -> BP 1 -> Jerk -> BP 2 -> Jerk, etc.

You see the pattern right? Yeah, the Jerk gets a disproportionate amount of spotlight time.

Aside from the first turn of the game, when it is the turn of a British Person, the British Person must start their narration with "Yes, and ...". They must accept whatever element the Jerk has just added, no matter how jarring. The British Person must never reject or ignore the Jerk's contributions. Sure, they might want to, but they must not.

When it is the turn of the Jerk, the Jerk's turn is split into two parts. For the first part, the Jerk insults the contribution or the very person of the last British Person to say something.

Here are some examples of this first part in action:

• That's dumb!
• WTF? Are you retarded?
• FAIL!
• You are a crap player.

The second part is where the Jerk narrates whatever the heck the Jerk likes. The Jerk doesn't have to accept the offers of the previous player - in fact, it is better for the game if the Jerk flat out vetos all the lame crap that comes from the other players. The Jerk might toss in nazis, ray guns, Cthulhu FHTAGN! Or, as his or her whim directs, the Jerk might choose to narrate in some Alabama hot pocket action and fan-favourite roman showers. The Jerk is going to make this dumb game fun! We're talking FUN that starts with a capital AWESOME!

The game ends when one of the British People decides that they have had enough. That British Person stands up and walks away from the table. The game is over. The players of the British People should be generous to the Jerk's player and let him or her have a good few minutes in the role of the Jerk in order to really unleash their inner jerk-osity. If you like, the role of the Jerk can then be taken by another person. The former Jerk now assumes the role of a British Person and the game begins again.

If you like, have it so that the game only ends when the Jerk says that it does. This means that the players of the British People are locked into a game where their contributions are ridiculed and ignored, and where there is no end in sight.

Examples of Play

• British Person: "One crisp afternoon in late September, Mrs. Beeton served a lovely roast leg of lamb to her family for Sunday dinner."
• Jerk: (1st) "Boring!" : (2nd) "No. She couldn't do that because her family were all dead."
• British Person: "Yes, and Mrs. Beeton had gone mad when her family died and still acted as though they were alive to her. The roast smelled wonderful."
• Jerk: (1st) "Weak." : (2nd) "What really happened was that Mrs. Beeton had dug up her husband up and was serving his rotten, roasted leg."
• British Person: "Yes, and what she in her madness thought smelled wonderful was really horrible. She started carving the leg into thick slices."
• Jerk: (1st) "Screw that crap!" : (2nd) "She's actually in a diving suit at the bottom of the ocean. LOL"
• British Person: "Yes, and the bends were giving her hallucinations about Sunday roasts and her long-dead husband."
• Jerk: (1st) "FFS!" : (2nd) "No. Mrs. Beeton tore off her diving helmet to reveal that she was Babe Robotic, and then she attacked the zombie whale Bahoom."
• British Person: "Yes, and Babe Robotic fought the whale Bahoom for 40 days and forty nights in a legendary but terrible battle."
• Jerk: (1st) "You're such a tool." : (2nd) "No. The whale actually ate her."
• British Person: (has had enough, stands up, walks away, ends the game)

Here's a less gonzo example of play that is still all about shutting down every contribution from the players of the British People.

• British Person: "One crisp afternoon in late September, Mrs. Beeton served a lovely roast leg of lamb to her family for Sunday dinner."
• Jerk: (1st) "Stop wasting my time." : (2nd) "No. Mr. Beeton was actually a bachelor who had no family."
• British Person: "Yes, and Mr. Beeton was taking his solitary lunch on the veranda of the bungalow he rented in Bury St. Edmunds."
• Jerk: (1st) "Are you really this stupid?" : (2nd) "No. He was actually in the bath, plucking up the courage to end his life."
• British Person: "Yes, and he picked up a razor blade lying on the side of the bath and started cutting deep into one forearm."
• Jerk: (1st) "LOL, that's dumb." : (2nd) "What really happened was that he plunged his head under the water and dreamed of his mother."
• British Person: "Yes, and as the warm water washed over him, warm tears poured down his face too as he pined for his long-lost mother."
• Jerk: (1st) "Don't be a tosser." : (2nd) "No. He felt his manhood growing as he dreamed of times gone by, and he realised where he must cut to end it all."
• British Person: "Yes, and after that terrible cutting the warm water was stained a crimson red that flooded over the rim of the metal bath."
• Jerk: (1st) "Fail." : (2nd) "Naw, he couldn't kill himself in the end, and after drying off, he went downstairs to cook his Sunday dinner."
• British Person: (has had enough, stands up, walks away, ends the game)

Huh?

This game is about exploring blocking.

The players of the British People have to listen to the Jerk's offers and incorporate them into their turn. The Jerk's player doesn't have to listen at all and can just tell the story he or she wants to tell. Being blocked repeatedly just sucks, and makes you care less both about what happens and about your own contributions - and in this poem your contributions are going to be mocked and then tossed on the bonfire anyway.

I've often blocked through ignorance by not really listening to other people's contributions because I was too enthusiastic about my own ideas. But I've never explored blocking on purpose. Here's a chance to let rip with your inner jerk and have some fun with blocking.

You can find out about the role-playing poem form on the Norwegian Style blog here.