The Vicar is coming for tea

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The Vicar Is Coming For Tea

Imagine the sleepy Yorkshire Dales. Rolling green fields broken only occasionally by unmarked roads.

At the end of one such road sits a picturesque looking house complete with a wondrously colourful arrangement of flowers. An apple tree sits off to one side, the ripe fruits causing the branches to bend under their weight. A cat stretches lazily on the tiled window sill as a sweet smell of home cooking escapes through the open window. A Mrs.Sidmouth, complete with pinny, bustles around the kitchen.

A stylish black phone—you know the ones with the round dial on the front—emits a soft tinkle as it begins its lethargic ring. Mrs. Sidmouth sweeps over to the phone and cradles the receiver in both hands as she holds it up to her ear. "This is the Sidmouth residence, lady of the house speaking."

We don't hear the voice on the other end of the phone but the carefree expression on Mrs. Sidmouth's face changes to one of fear, possibly even horror... because the Vicar is coming for tea!

Purpose

This is a role-playing poem designed for two or more people. It should take only 15 minutes or so to play.

One of you will play the role of Mrs. Sidmouth. Mrs. Sidmouth's only concern (goal) in the game is to ensure everything is in perfect order when the Vicar arrives for tea.

The other players are responsible for adding obstacles to the story with the aim of preventing Mrs. Sidmouth from making a good impression on the Vicar. Initially, the obstacles will be trivial in nature, but they will become increasingly severe as the game progresses.

How To Play

Mrs. Sidmouth's player starts the game by naming ONE action she is doing to prepare for the Vicar. This could include things like getting the Vicar's favourite cup out of the cupboard or filling the kettle with water.

Then another player—let's call them player 2—chips in to narrate an obstacle to Mrs. Sidmouth's declared action. For example, the Vicar's favourite cup has gathered dust and is in no fit state to drink tea from; or the lid of the teapot seems to be stuck on. Remember to start with a really trivial obstacle.

Mrs. Sidmouth's player then responds to the added obstacle: "I wash the cup up at the sink"; "I take a screwdriver from the drawer to lever off the top of the tea pot."

A further player—if you have one; let's call them player 3—then adds another, related obstacle. The new obstacle must be equally as trivial as the first obstacle. For example, "You wash the cup out but realise all your tea towels are in the wash so you now have a clean but wet cup"; or "In your attempt to leverage the lid from the tea pot you chip the rim."

Once again Mrs. Sidmouth's player responses to the added obstacle. "I place the cup on the outside window sill where the bright sun begins to dry it."; or "I place a lovely cosy over the tea pot. He will never know."

Play continues in this vein until all players, except Mrs. Sidmouth's, have added an obstacle. When it is again the turn of a player who has previously added an obstacle that player gets to add a further obstacle. This obstacle doesn't have to be related to previous obstacles, but can be if desired; also, this time it's a little more severe than previous obstacles.

For example: "The cat outside the window lifts its head in curiosity as you place the cup outside. Unfortunately the attention from the cat causes the cup to slip from the window sill and smash on the ground."; "As you place the cosy over the tea pot there is a knock at the front door. "Cooee, it's Linda. Open the door Marge I just have to tell you what I got up to with the post man this morning."

Play continues like this as Mrs. Sidmouth responds to more and more obstacles of ever increasing severity until the end of the game. Play until you wish to stop; the arrival of the Vicar, which can be narrated by anyone on their turn, signals the end of the game.

Here's what a 4-player game would look like:

  • Mrs Sidmouth
  • Player 1 [Trivial obstacle]
  • Mrs Sidmouth
  • Player 2 [Trivial obstacle]
  • Mrs Sidmouth
  • Player 3 [Trivial obstacle]
  • Mrs Sidmouth
  • Player 1 [Slightly less trivial obstacle]
  • Mrs Sidmouth
  • Player 2 [Slightly less trivial obstacle]
  • Mrs Sidmouth
  • Player 3 [Slightly less trivial obstacle]
  • Mrs Sidmouth

Rules

  • When someone is speaking everyone else must listen, no butting in. (Especially you Mrs. Sidmouth.)
  • When someone speaks it is an established fact; deal with it.
  • Everyone is free to invent other people, objects, places and points of interest.

Obstacles

It's important to start as trivial as possible when adding obstacles and slowly build up to epic scales. Here are some examples:

Trivial—The Vicar's favourite cup is dirty

Slightly Less Trivial—The Vicar's favourite cup breaks

Average—Barney, the town drunk has arrived uninvited and he's got that look

Significant—Barney suffers a heart attack in your living room

Epic—Mrs. Sidmouth suffers a heart attack

Remember that Mrs. Sidmouth's only concern is to ensure everything is in order when the Vicar arrives. Mrs. Sidmouth suffers a heart attack? So what, she needs to suck it up because the fairy cakes are going to burn if she doesn't get them out of the oven.

For extra spice, why not add a time limit for Mrs Sidmouth's response time? I was thinking five seconds. So as soon as the last player has announced their obstacle start the clock. If Mrs. Sidmouth hasn't started doing something within 5 seconds, she forfeits her go, and the next player in the turn order escalates the obstacle... oh, and restart the timer. Go!

WTF?

This game is meant as a mock epic/travesty comedy game.

Mock epic is where something very trivial is treated as if it were high and lofty and important on a grand scale. Travesty is the opposite: high and important issues are treated very lightly as if they were trivial.

Have fun!

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